5 New Year's Resolutions for the Anxiously Attached in 2025

Phew, 2024 is almost over. No matter if 2024 was a great, good or bad year, 2025 is going to be a year of growth and fresh starts.
This will be the year to take steps to move toward a healthier you, both mentally and physically.

When we thrive in our relationships, we transform. We become the best version of ourselves. Here are five powerful resolutions to help you achieve those relationship goals this year.

1. Communicate Your Needs Clearly

We frequently find ourselves people-pleasing. We're scared that showing our authentic selves will lead to rejection, or worse, abandonment. This makes our communication become passive, vague or even avoidant.

In 2025, practice being direct and kind. Start small:

• Use "I" statements, like "I feel hurt when plans change last minute because it makes me feel unimportant."
• Be specific about what you need, such as "I'd appreciate a heads-up if you need to reschedule."
• Focus on tone—be gentle and calm, even when discussing difficult feelings.

Clear communication helps your partner or loved ones understand you better and creates stronger, more secure bonds.

2. Learn to Self-Soothe When You're Triggered

We're all familiar with the sinking feeling when someone doesn't reply to a text.

"Do they not like me anymore?"
"Oh no, I'm going to be abandoned again..."

Self-soothing is your lifeboat. It helps you regulate your emotions and feel steady, even in moments when you're alone.

• Practice deep breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four.
• Journal your thoughts: Write what you're feeling to gain clarity.
• Ground yourself: Focus on physical sensations, like the feel of your feet on the floor or the warmth of a blanket.

The more you self-soothe, the less you'll rely on others to calm your anxieties.

3. Stop Chasing Approval

Maybe you have trouble making decisions because you often want a loved ones' input. This is the year to shift the focus back to yourself.

• Pay attention to when you're chasing approval. Are you over-explaining, over-apologizing, or people-pleasing?
• Remind yourself that your worth isn't tied to what others think of you.
• Practice saying "no" or expressing your preferences without guilt.

The freedom to be authentic is the freedom to be ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be authentic is a form of loving ourselves.

4. Build Emotional Independence

We often find ourselves turning to others for emotional stability.

"I can't calm down until I hear from you"
"I don't know what to do unless you tell me"

Here's how:

• Reflect on your own emotions before sharing them with others. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?"
• Build a support system. Having multiple sources of support—friends, family, or a therapist—reduces the pressure on one relationship to meet all your needs.

When we rely on ourselves for emotional independence, our emotional dependence on others becomes a choice, not a necessity.

5. Recognize and Appreciate Secure Behaviors

It's easy for us to focus on the negative. You may find yourself scanning for signs of rejection or disappointment. But in 2025, practice noticing and appreciating secure behaviors—both in yourself and others.

Secure behaviors might include:

• Someone following through on their promises.
• A partner expressing love without hesitation.
• You calmly handling a triggering situation.

Gratitude helps shift your focus from fear to trust. Try expressing gratitude once daily to yourself or loved one. Over time, you'll train your brain to look for and appreciate the good in your relationships.

Make 2025 the Year of Growth

Anxious attachment doesn't have to define you. With these five resolutions, you can take meaningful steps toward healing and building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Celebrate each step you take, and trust that you're moving closer to a secure and confident self.

Here's to a brighter, more secure 2025!