Here Are the Best Books to Read If You Want to Heal Your Anxious Attachment Style

We've curated a list of the best books to help you understand and heal your anxious attachment style.

1. Attached by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love

Why it's great: This book is the ultimate beginner's guide to understanding attachment theory. It breaks down the different attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—and helps you recognize your patterns.

What you'll learn:

How your attachment style influences your relationships.
Practical tips to communicate your needs and build healthier connections.
Tools to identify compatible partners.

2. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

The Body Keeps The Score- Brain, Mind, and Body in The Healing of Trauma

Why it's great: This book explores how trauma, including attachment wounds, impacts the body and mind. Dr. van der Kolk offers tools for healing and creating safety within yourself.

What you'll learn:

How early attachment shapes your nervous system.
Why anxious attachment triggers feel so overwhelming.
Techniques like mindfulness, movement, and therapy to heal from the inside out.

3. Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection by Deb Dana

Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices

Why it's great: This book dives into the nervous system and how it drives attachment behaviors. It's a hands-on guide to calming your body and feeling safe in relationships.

What you'll learn:

How the vagus nerve impacts attachment and anxiety.
Exercises to regulate your emotions and reduce fight-or-flight responses.
Ways to feel grounded and connected in relationships.

4. You're the One You've Been Waiting For by Dr. Richard Schwartz

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For

Why it's great: Written by the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), this book focuses on healing the parts of yourself that crave love and connection. It's perfect for understanding how to create a secure relationship with yourself.

What you'll learn:

How attachment wounds create inner conflicts that affect relationships.
Ways to nurture your inner self and calm emotional triggers.
Practical exercises to integrate your past experiences and grow emotionally.

5. Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Why it's great: Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book teaches you how to create secure, lasting bonds with your partner.

What you'll learn:

How attachment influences intimacy and communication.
Strategies to resolve conflicts and build trust.
Ways to create emotional safety in your relationship.

6. How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera

How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

Why it's great: Written by the popular Holistic Psychologist, this book offers a practical, empowering approach to healing attachment wounds and creating the life you deserve.

What you'll learn:

How childhood experiences shape your attachment style.
Steps to break free from unhealthy patterns.
Daily practices to build emotional resilience and self-love.

7. Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D.

Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

Why it's great: This book is tailored specifically for people with anxious attachment, offering actionable advice to feel more secure in relationships.

What you'll learn:

Why anxious attachment develops and how it affects your relationships.
How to reduce your need for reassurance and manage your emotions.
Ways to build self-worth and attract healthier relationships.

8. Wired for Love by Dr. Stan Tatkin

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

Why it's great: This book focuses on the science of secure relationships and offers practical advice for creating connection and trust.

What you'll learn:

How attachment styles play out in long-term relationships.
Tips to communicate and resolve conflict effectively.
Ways to create a partnership that feels safe and secure.

9. It Didn't Start with You by Mark Wolynn

It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

Why it's great: This book explores how attachment and trauma can be passed down through generations, and how to break the cycle.

What you'll learn:

The impact of generational trauma on attachment styles.
Techniques to heal inherited patterns.
How to create a healthier emotional legacy for yourself and your family.

How to Heal After Reading

Reading helps you understand your patterns, but true healing happens through action.

In order to actually heal, we need our brains to adapt.

Neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to rewire itself, requires consistent practice to form new habits and pathways.

Without doing—whether it's journaling, self-soothing, or setting boundaries—you stay stuck in knowledge without transformation.

Here's how the Attached app can help you

Attached App, Best to Complement Your Journey

The Attached app makes fixing your anxious attachment easier by being the No.1 attachment-powered all-in-one app:

Daily Quests: Unlock daily quests designed to help anxious attachment and fosters neuroplasticity
Help Mode: Access psychology-backed tools for self-soothing when you feel triggered.
Intelligent AI Journal: Unlock your hidden patterns and get personalized suggestions as you journal
Weekly Insights: Eden - your relationship coach intelligently analyzes your journals and voice sessions to help break down patterns and insights

Ready to take the next step? Pick one of these books, and try the Attached app now. You deserve love, security, and peace.